Oh, dear! Oh, my! Oh – screw it.

“Are we all punished for sins of fathers.
It seems so pointless to have an existence
In a world misused.

It seems so pointless to have an opinion
When yours is never true.”
The Color Morale – The Dying Hymn

Dear Ambiguity,

I thought I was over you.

Okay, so maybe I was only trying to fool myself.

But I thought I made progress.

Really, I did.

Lately, though, I’ve been doubting my doubts.

Am I really doubting for truth’s sake, or doubting because I’m too afraid to clamp onto something?

I realize I’ll never be certain,

but is that really an excuse to throw my convictions overboard?

I think that’s a little overboard.

I may muster a smile during the day,

my teeth grind at night.

Processing has become a process not for the sake of progress but simply for the sake of the process.

Freeze frame – rewind.

I thought you and I were past this.

But you’ve cornered me again,

raped me of my lunch money,

and my integrity.

You know, it’s funny, though.

I laughed, at least.

That moment you spooked me the most.

When I thought I lost my faith.

I went to Him for comfort.

Here’s how it went down:

“Oh, God, I don’t believe in You…”

“Oh shit, life is meaningless..”

“Jesus, I trust you to bring me through.”

Dear Ambiguity,

I used to think you the enemy.

Now, I’m not so sure.

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