“Are we all punished for sins of fathers.
It seems so pointless to have an existence
In a world misused.
It seems so pointless to have an opinion
When yours is never true.”
The Color Morale – The Dying Hymn
I thought I was over you.
Okay, so maybe I was only trying to fool myself.
But I thought I made progress.
Really, I did.
Lately, though, I’ve been doubting my doubts.
Am I really doubting for truth’s sake, or doubting because I’m too afraid to clamp onto something?
I realize I’ll never be certain,
but is that really an excuse to throw my convictions overboard?
I think that’s a little overboard.
I may muster a smile during the day,
my teeth grind at night.
Processing has become a process not for the sake of progress but simply for the sake of the process.
Freeze frame – rewind.
I thought you and I were past this.
But you’ve cornered me again,
raped me of my lunch money,
and my integrity.
You know, it’s funny, though.
I laughed, at least.
That moment you spooked me the most.
When I thought I lost my faith.
I went to Him for comfort.
Here’s how it went down:
“Oh, God, I don’t believe in You…”
“Oh shit, life is meaningless..”
“Jesus, I trust you to bring me through.”
I used to think you the enemy.
Now, I’m not so sure.